|
Amber Linn's Story
I decided to use the essay I wrote in my
English class to tell my story, it explains almost
everything. However, I may throw a few more things in.
So, please excuse the order of events. I know that some
of this may seem a little mixed up. But when I wrote the
paper it came from my heart. Dealing with the loss of
Amber has been one of the biggest challenges of my life.
No one ever expects to lose a child, I know I did not.
The circumstances surrounding my daughter's death are
not unusual these days; however, it completely changes
how I feel about her death. If Amber had died a "Normal"
death, I probably would be able to handle it much
easier. The fact that she was murdered though, changes
my perspective, which makes it almost unbearable. This
whole ordeal started when I was fourteen years old. I
was getting ready for the annual church picnic on Labor
Day. I had spent the nite at my friend Carrie's house.
My friend's sister, Nikki came into the room and
informed us that her friend Chris was meeting her at the
park. I had met Chris before, although I do not remember
when. I had this feeling he liked me, which made me feel
quite important. He was seventeen and I thought he was
so cool. When we reached the park, my friends and I went
for a walk. When we got back, Chris and Nikki were
standing there talking. We said our hello's and then
went on to eat our lunch. A few days later I was at
Carrie's house again. Nikki had invited Chris over also.
He asked me for my telephone number and I gave it to
him. That nite we talked for hours. Needless to say, I
ended up dating Chris by the end of February 1993. By
the end of May I was pregnant. Here I was, fifteen,
pregnant, and with a complete loser. When I found out
that I was pregnant, Chris was visiting his father in
Seattle. The day I told him I was pregnant was Father's
Day. I thought he would be happy, but instead he was
completely annoyed by the prospect of becoming a father.
He thought at the age of eighteen he would be able to
have his fun and not worry about me, I had my parents. I
do not remember how we ended up working it out but we
decided to stay together and be a family. Around the
first of August he flew here to Fresno and we began the
preparations for our wedding. Since I have pushed most
of the memories from my mind, I do not remember the day
we married. We then moved into our apartment where we
stayed only one month. At which time he remarked that he
was sending me home. He barely worked at all during our
one month together, so I knew that he would not make a
good provider. The Lord only knows why I stuck around.
Once we were living back at my parent's house, Chris
took it upon himself to leave for a week. No one knew
his whereabouts and he never called. Then, one day, he
showed up, knocking my Mom down as he came through the
front door. There is no telling where he had been, he
was still wearing the clothes he had left in, and he was
on who knows what. At that point, my parents had enough,
so they called his Mom. After much debate on my part
they decided he needed to go stay with his father in
Washington. When he arrived there he got a good job, and
even went to church and became active there. I went up
to visit him during Christmas of that year. During those
three weeks there, I had enough of our relationship and
decided once I was home I would file for a divorce.
Chris was just acting, he had a girl he was seeing and I
found out. Needless to say I procrastinated, waiting
until Amber was four days old before I filed. Not only
did I go through my pregnancy without him, I went
through labor without him also. I had my Daddy and my
labor coach and cousin Valerie. All forty six hours,
pain and all, experienced without him. Now looking back,
I am so glad he wasn't there. I didn't call him when she
was born. My brother had reminded me that he didn't care
when I called to inform him I was in labor, so why
should he know she had been born. I called him as soon
as I knew for sure that I was in labor. I thought he
would be so excited. His only comment, " Call me when
it's over". The next day my Mom tried calling to see if
she could do something. He wasn't there, so she spoke
with his father. He quickly informed her that Chris had
more important things to attend to. What is more
important than your child's birth? I filed for my
divorce when Amber was four days old. I went to my
parent's attorney and in great detail told this stranger
about my short married life. I had to have my Mom leave
the room because there were things I did not want her to
hear. I was granted the divorce after about one and a
half years of trying to get him to accept the papers.
The day before I filed he called. He asked how "HIS"
baby was. I said she was fine. He didn't even know she
had been born until he heard her cry in the background.
I told him I was going to file for divorce, and that I
never wanted to hear from him again. He tried calling
but I always ignored his calls. Chris did not see Amber
until she was two years old. In January of 1996, my
brother and I had a deep talk. After those years of
being satisfied without Chris in our lives, I suddenly
found myself feeling that he should know his daughter.
Amber had grown into a rambunctious little squirt.
Although she looked like Chris I did not miss him. Then
one day in late February I called him. After talking a
while, we decided that Amber needed to know him. I did
not want my daughter to go through the pain of growing
up without a father. Easter of that year he flew down
here to see her. My father had no knowledge of Chris and
I talking; however, my mother did. My poor Mom, she
always did get stuck in the middle. I was glad when my
parent's went out of town that weekend. That meant that
my father would not know of my plans, being that he
resented Chris tremendously. Needless to say, we ended
up back together. I knew that I wouldn't be happy in a
long distance relationship, but I was doing it for my
daughter. In April, Chris' step mom, Mary, called to see
if Amber and I would move up to Seattle. She explained
that Chris needed some stability in his life. Some
responsibility. I said yes, and the very next day Amber
and I left, much to the shock of my Dad. Chris had no
idea that we were even coming. After the shock wore off
a bit, we settled into our new life. Three weeks later
we had our own apartment. That is when everything
started. We began to fight and he hit me on numerous
occasions. Once he even put a knife to my throat. Thank
God our friend was staying with us and he pulled Chris
off of me. Amber sat there and watched the whole thing.
With the mind control that this man had over me, I was
so afraid of him. He told me that if I ever left him he
would kill Amber, my family and myself. This stuck in my
mind, I reluctantly stayed with him. Chris then began
to take things out on Amber. I never personally saw him
do anything to her, but I heard things. The one thing
that really bothers me is that people around us saw
things and never told me or his family. They saw him hit
her, blow marijuana smoke in her face, knock her down in
the bathtub and other things. And no one had the guts to
say anything. I went straight to his Dad the day I found
that he had spanked her so hard that he left her bruised
all the way from the top of her butt to the top of her
groin. His father, my brother, my ex sister-in-law and a
few friends were the only ones who knew about this.
Chris' father wanted me to let Amber stay with him and
Mary until I could get out. That was the biggest mistake
of my life. I should have taken him up on the offer. But
I felt that she should be with her Mommy. Before I left
for work that day I told Chris that I was leaving him. I
told our roommate Travis to watch her while I was at work
that day. Amber loved Travis, so I had no worries about
leaving her with him. He promised he would watch her,
and I left to the sound of my baby screaming for me not
to go. Amber was a bright child who sensed her father
hated us. She often cowered when he came into the room.
That nite when I got off of work, Chris was there to
pick me up. Amber was unconscious in the car. He
explained that she had fallen off of the couch and hit
her head. The sad thing is that in my shock I believed
him. I begged him to go to our house, which was only a
block away to call an ambulance. He said that he didn't
want to pay the money for it, so he proceeded to drive
to the nearest hospital. They took her in immediately.
Once the doctors evaluated her they came and told us
that she had to be airlifted to Harborview Hospital in
Seattle. Once there Amber went directly into brain
surgery to reduce the swelling on her brain, and Chris
and I were separated and questioned by the authorities.
Through out the nite and through the next day I believed
his tale. Then came the moment of truth when I saw him
moving his hands as though to shake someone. He was
confessing to his father and the preacher. It was in
that moment that I knew my daughter was there because of
him. After I was told that my daughter was going to die,
Mary called my parents. It was 5:30 am on June 5, 1996.
My Dad came home from work and called my brother. He was
down in San Diego fighting a big forest fire. Once he
was able to get off the fire line he flew to Fresno,
where he and my Dad flew on to Seattle. I'll never
forget the moment I saw my Dad. I burst into tears and
fell into his arms. It was then that Scott went to look
for Chris. I had told Chris to leave. Thank God Chris
never got to see Amber again, because he never deserved
to have such a precious angel. My brother never went to
see her. After being told that the surgery and all other
attempts to save her life didn't work, my father and I
got to hold her. I sat with her alone first. Holding
her, taking in every detail of her beauty, I knew it
would be the my last chance at holding her and kissing
her. I just cradled her and cried. That was the most
painful moment of my life. Then my father came in. He
sat in the rocking chair and the nurse placed her in his
arms. He just sat there rocking back and forth, hunched
over, sobbing like I've never seen a grown man do. My
life and my angel was gone. I left the hospital with
nothing but the quilt some wonderful ladies had made and
given to her. Chris turned himself in on Wednesday. He
made three formal confessions, admitting to throwing her
down repeatedly on the floor. All because she wouldn't
sit down so he could put her shoes on. In the hospital I
was asked to donate some of her organs. And now a few
more people live today because of my daughter. I know
that she lives on through these people. Coming home was
the hardest. Here I had to face my best friend, my Mom.
Her pain, so evident all over her face, killed me
inside. Sad isn't it? A father has his child just two
months and kills her. In 1997 we went to trial. I sat on
the stand the first day and a half. So nervous, so angry
and in so much pain. He just sat there the whole time,
expressionless, taking notes. He never went on the
stand. Chris received a minor punishment of twenty six
years in prison. Such a short time for a crime that made
a mother lose her child for a lifetime. Although I
firmly disagree with the sentence, I know someday he
will answer for his crime. When God places judgment on
his head, only then will I have my satisfaction. I live
my life everyday with out Amber. It grows harder as time
goes by. I see parents who mistreat their children and
who do not deserve to be parents all together. Then
there I am, I would give anything to spend just one more
day with her. I know that Amber is shining down on me,
even now as I write this. That is what gives me the
strength to share my story. I know I will see her again
someday. They say that God takes his favorites home when
they are young and that they sometimes need a breath of
youth to grace Heaven. I know that is true, because my
daughter is up there now. Someday I will see her, but
for now I have to be satisfied with memories of her
ruddy cheeks, her curly strawberry blonde hair, the most
beautiful eyes you have ever seen, and the sweet little
way she said, "Bye-ya". I hate to hear stories in the
news of little innocent children who are killed by their
parent or guardian. It saddens me that not much is done
to these "people". Most of the time they are let off
with barely a slap on the wrist. It makes me wonder what
is wrong with this world. Then I remember that this
world is not of God. That is why God takes those loved
ones from us. It is to protect them from the evil of
this world. Until I see Amber again, all I can do is
love her, keep her memory alive and pray that all this
killing of our innocent children comes to an end. My
hope is that I will save at least one life. Whether it
be an abused child, woman or man. If you are being
abused or know someone who is, please get out or help
them. I am here along with my parents if someone needs
to talk. God Bless everyone!!!!!!!! Thank you for
visiting my site. And please help me in stopping
abuse.
Love and Many Hugs Heather
| | | |
